It has been quite some time since I have posted.....I have spent months thinking I needed to post something but instead I have been busy observing life from the perspective of a parent of adult children.  The hardest thing to do is to let your kids go out on their own.  I have had direct experience with many mistakes that parents and children make during this process.  My challenge has been to try to stay objective and learn as I go, as there is not often a guidebook for this stage in the life of a parent.  I have found that many things happen without our knowledge and, while it can be the most heartbreaking adventure, there are many things that can be done to avoid that feeling of abandonment and overall feeling of losing control.  

First of all let me remind everyone that there is no stopping the clock.  I always told my girls that my "job", as their parent, was to be responsible for forming functional adults in society.  I took that job very seriously and often used that excuse as the answer for their argument of why I was so mean.  I am not a mean person, instead I believe I am a reasonable parent that takes the time to hear my girls' argument while still maintaining my balance of right and wrong.  My right and their wrong.  After all I am the adult and have lived longer than they have.  I have some experience to back up the decisions I am making on their behalf.  I know what to expect and hope to help them avoid the same bad choices I may have made.  That being said, the fact still remains that, when they turn 18, they believe they know more than us.  This happens to every teenager at one point or another.  

What happens to our youth between the ages of 10 and 18?  When does that change, where they transition from idolizing their parents to avoiding them at all costs take place?  What can we do to avoid that and is there a way to turn back the clock so they will listen to you post 18?  I think about the kids who grow up and get the grades, apply for scholarships and go to college because their parent tell them that that is what they are going to do.  Are these the children that have mid life crisis when they turn 40 and wonder where their lives went?  Is there a way to achieve the balance of doing the expected and still finding their own path?  I see some kids who have had a great scholastic career and managed to respect their parents, work towards a college degree and still form their own paths.  So what is the difference?  

I like to believe it is in the parenting and that allowing your children to make some mistakes is a good way of teaching them how to deal with the ups and downs of real life.  How else are they to learn unless parents give them the freedom to make mistakes and forge their own paths.  

It is now years later since I started this post and life is so different than I expected.  My oldest daughter is married, a prominent artist in Baltimore and making a living doing tattoos after graduating with a Digital Art degree from MICA.  My youngest is living in Oregon, just finishing up her degree in Massage Therapy and tends to her garden in her new house.  They are good.  They are settled.  They are happy.  I have done my job.  I can say I have no regrets but I am not sure that is a statement that any parent can say with conviction.  Yes, I have regrets.  I wish that I had spent more time with them.  I wish I had saved more money.  I wish that I had the luxury of a teenage wardrobe closet at my disposal again but that is not reality.  I am 50 now, married again and looking at my options for the next 20 years.  What next?  I have kids on opposite sides of the country and so little time to visit.  I want. I want. I want.  

My age gives me a ticket to be selfish and feel that I accomplished something with my life.  Most people can say they partied in their twenties, college dorm stories and beer pong parties but I raised kids.  The opportunities are endless and I can be anything I want to be now....after all, I put two people on this planet and they are still alive.  I can do anything now.