Technology Smechnology

It's official... I am technologically inept.  I watch the commercials of the new toys for toddlers that include the interaction with your IPhone and think back to when I had toddlers.  I didn't have an IPhone.  I didn't even have a cell phone back then and that was only twenty two years ago.  I just don't understand this age of communicating via Tweet, Texting and I'Ming and often think what life would be like without it.  Would we have the unemployment rate that we do now?  Would there be confused kids, at thirty, unable to make a decision and stick to it because they were raised in the "Instant Gratification" age where we text when we drive to prevent missing a moment of life's happenings.  The funny thing is that we have those looks from our children, you know the one where they roll their eyes and huff, about how "stupid" their parents are, yet they don't realize that we should be looked at as pioneers.  We managed to have full lives without all the technology.  We took time to sit in a coffee shop and visit with our friends.  We wrote letters and received letters back.  We got upset when we didn't make it home in time to watch our favorite shows.  Anyone can sit and come up with a number of ways that life, as we knew it, has changed due to technology and it is not that different from the experience of the first television or microwave oven.  The act of directing someone as they adjust the "rabbit ears" in order to get the picture clearer is something that is lost to this generation.

I still believe that my life would be fine without a lot of the items that most can't live without but I am thankful of one thing and find that I am learning to appreciate technology in a way I never imagined.  I love Skype!  Yes, I said it!!  I love being able to see the face that I am talking to from far away and am so thankful that I can do it, but at what cost?  

I remember the futuristic image of Cosmo G. Spacely, with steam coming out of his ears, as he yelled at George Jetson from the screen of a TV. I thought of how amazingly advanced that was and figured I would never see that in my lifetime.  Now you can have a face to face conversation on your phone so where are the flying cars and robot servants?  Why do some of these items become reality while others remain in cartoonland?

I know now that it has changed me and I will never be able to go back.  In a time when we all need to connect to some part of life before lockdown, all sorts of new technology has erupted to provide the connections we desire so much.  I have found that as these advancements have been thrust out to the consumer, I have retreated even more and more in order to reconnect with myself before emails, facetime and texting.  I miss the act of writing a letter and sending it in the mail, only to receive a reply a few weeks later.  The joy of seeing a handwritten card in the mail is something many don't experience anymore.  People don't send thank you cards so you are left to wonder if they received your package.  We don't write letters anymore because we can just text, email, skype, zoom or chat with them.  It was designed to bring people together but at what cost?  We have resorted to creating shortcuts to general conversation like laughing out loud and talk to you later.  It is exhausting and leaves me with a hunger for the way we communicated before all this stuff.  I did see that they are bringing back the Flip Phone so maybe there is still hope for us!  We shall see......  

Serious Quester Questions!

When I started this blog, I thought I would have hours of time on my hands where I would have nothing to do.  I tried to fill my time with classes and projects but realized I was doing too much.  I became exhausted and realized that I was going to have to slow down and face my fears head on.  I likened it to that feeling when you walk in a room with purpose and then suddenly you forgot why you were there.  I look back now, after almost 8 years with no children under my roof, and I can't even remember what I thought it would feel like.  What was I thinking?  I am busier now than I have ever been and the only person I am responsible for is myself.  I can understand what the "experts" said about feeling lost, feeling like you don't have a purpose or feeling like you have nothing to do.  My issue is quite the opposite though in that I have a long list of things I want to do but I can't decide where to start.  I am overwhelmed with opportunity and the desire to start fresh.  I am drowning in things that just collect dust but I am finding it difficult to do anything about it.  This is what I was not prepared for.  This is my new struggle and I can now say that "Empty Nesting" is no joke.  It is different for everyone but I can share what I have learned so far.

To start, all those things you saved for your children, the trinkets and mementos of their school years, the jewelry box with their names or stuffed animal they wouldn't go to sleep without.....these are just things.  I tried so hard to keep things I thought they would want but when my girls were presented with their boxes, there was only one or two things that made them chuckle.  I have learned that the things a parent feels are important to keep are not the things your children would have chosen.  Get rid of them!  Sit down with your kids and force them to go through the boxes and have them be the decision makers on items you have more attachment to than they do.  Your memories of these items are for  you and have nothing to do with how they see them.  Pick one or two things and then have them make the decision on the rest.

However many boxes you have, take them out once in awhile and go through them.  Pick out the things you still are unsure about and want to still keep, put them in a new box and then talk to your kids about the rest.  These days it is easy to send a picture of a note from a teacher or crush, an item they loved etc.  They can then tell you to get rid of it.  Surprisingly, they will not have the same reaction you do to said item.  This process condenses maybe three boxes down to one.  Purging is good for everyone but there is another benefit of this process.  As your kids get older, they realize that some things they were afraid to tell you when they were younger, just don't hold that much importance anymore.  You can use this process to share funny stories of how they were as kids.   They may have snuck out and you never knew it.  They might have been bullied or been in love but you didn't notice.  It is important for you and them to be quiet and let them share these stories without judgement and frustration.  You may get a great laugh out of them and I find, as I am sharing little details with my youngest, that their version of what happened is totally different.  I notice that my girls were way smarter than I gave them credit for.  The things they remember are funny, heartbreaking and completely different than my version of events.  This, of course, doesn't mean that either one of you is wrong, it just shows the diversity of how things are viewed and each person's story is unique to themselves.  

I saved school notes, homework, graded tests and projects they brought home.  My mom did the same thing and I didn't realize that they wouldn't want those things.  The things they thought were funny were the hilarious notes where they were mad at us or each other and they made statements like "I am never talking to you again" or "if I find my shirt on your floor one more time I am going to kill you!".  These are things that bring me joy when I can share them and have a good laugh over them.  I realize that there is value in saving some of these things and it is a process that one must go through.  It doesn't mean you have to keep everything because, let's be honest here, not many people live in the same house they raised their kids in still.  Garages see like a thing of the past and children move often, throwing their things out that don't fit in their car as they can just get new ones to replace them.  Times have changed but that doesn't mean you have to stop saving little things.  Pick and choose what is important to you and let the rest go.  It is liberating!  It is necessary!  It is a process of Empty Nesting.