She did not understand the security requirements and was overly nervous about making sure she had followed all the rules. In turn she ended up being argumentative with the security people, pointed out things that did not matter and it resulted in a long flight. The blessing of the trip was not only to see family but for family to see her as she is now, post Cancer that has aged her dramatically and requires more attention on my part. It is easy to complain about your predicament in life, that you didn't expect to be a caretaker for an aging parent when you are so young, or that you didn't ask for the job, but it is truly another experience to have others see it all for themselves. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted because they now understand when I am tired, frustrated or just plain feeling sorry for myself. It is not an easy task and requires an extreme amount of patience mixed in with some tolerance and acceptance. It is not quite the best cocktail but it is what I dose up on in order to be around her.
She gets up at least six times a night to go to the bathroom, she snores very loudly but will never admit to it, she is obsessed with the next meal and when we are having it and continues to refuse to wear her hearing aids so everything you say has to be repeated at a higher volume. Now I feel vindicated because before I was told that I treated her like a child and was mean to her. This is so far from the truth but I can see where people might think that. You have to approach an aging parent in the same way you would a toddler some days. You have to remind them of things, like did they remember their pills or do they need to use the restroom before we leave. You have to listen and choose what you tune out because sometimes they just need to talk; almost as if they are regurgitating information to test whether their memory is still in tact. I listen to my mother read out loud every ad in the paper, all the articles that only she finds interesting and I choose to respond only when I have the time to go into a lengthy debate about how she feels about whatever new situation is up. I did enjoy listening to her stories as we drove around, where someone lived, what they did and how she knew them. Again it was as if she was testing her memory to check for accuracy but I could not point out errors as I didn't have a clue about who she was talking about.
In exchange for this I have my mother, quirks and all, for many more years and I would not trade it for the world. I will take all the annoyances, and the abuse from others on how I deal with it, because they are not here doing it however I now do not feel as alone in it. I now have people that have seen it in person and I am able to speak about with them when things get frustrating. Oddly enough that makes all the difference.
