Just call me James......

So what is the magic that transforms a person into a slave to their kids? I get the whole carpool thing with school age kids, taking them to and from practice or lessons, but I never enjoyed it. I always got that feeling that I was being used for my car. I know that sounds so selfish but it was true. My mom never took me anywhere. If I wanted to go over to a friends house I would ride my bike. I remember being only nine and taking a bus with my friend, Nikki, to Sacramento to go to Macy's. That was 45 minutes away and in another city. I just knew that my parents worked and it was not convenient. I swore that when I became a parent I would always take them where they needed to go. I made a vow to be the mom that I always wanted but never asked for. And then I had kids.

I became a hairdresser so that I would have the flexibility to be there for my girls. My youngest had gymnastics twice a week and my oldest had a best friend that lived 20 minutes away. The only thing was that we lived within walking distance of the school. I still saw parents, that lived on our street, get in the car every morning to take them to school while I sent mine off, watched them walk to the corner, turn to me and wave as I waved back. They share stories of how my oldest would make her little sister walk on the other side of the street when she was mad at her. They would walk almost a city mile to the 7-eleven for doughnuts and slurpees. They had a good childhood and nothing bad happened. I felt like I had raised girls that were self sufficient and confident.

What turns an intelligent, creative female into a blithering idiot that comes when called? When your child calls you and you can't understand them, she is inconsolable and her voice is quivering, and you barely make out "just come get me" I grab my keys and am out the door. I forget about the fact that I am at a friends house, that I never get to see, and watching a movie with her and her son. I go and pick her up only to have her complain about how mad she is about something at work and can I just take her home. My natural parental instinct is to fix this. I would really love to just march right into her work and tell the manager off for not appreciating the amazing worker he has in her but I can't do that. Instead I am told that I really don't understand and never will. I get snapped at, pull up to her house and she gets out. No "thanks mom". No sitting in the car and talking about it. Just the sound of the door shutting and she is gone.

So my question is this.... when do you know it is time to say NO! When do you take that leap of faith and know that you cannot solve their problems but they will be fine. How do you turn that off so that you can sleep or eat or take time for yourself. To be selfish and tell her "I can't come get you honey. I am out with friends"? It is killing me that I don't know what to say to make it alright while not getting yelled at. When did I become this person and how do I change it? The funny thing is that everyone has something great to say but they are not here dealing with it. So wouldn't that be the same thing as her saying I don't understand.....