But could it be you......

Well she was fired!

Her first time being fired and over a $3.00 Chips and Salsa. At least that is what she thinks. She spoke of getting written up and didn't realize that the write up was actually her dismissal form. She signed it and thought she would resolve it the next day.

I remember the first time I was fired. I spent a week in bed so depressed and embarrassed. I just didn't know what the next step was but I eventually got out of bed, cleaned myself up and went off to find work.

The hardest part of this is to hear her talking about it as if she didn't do anything wrong. As a parent I tried to tiptoe around the issue while mentioning that it is a business and they don't typically fire people for nothing. She kept mentioning how disrespectful it was and I tried to reassure her that it wasn't about respect. It's not personal - it's business.

Then there are the constructive comments that I can't help myself from making. I can hear them come out of my mouth, and I know they will make her mad, but I feel like it should be said. I ask her if there might be a way that she could look at this as a learning experience. Is there something she can identify in herself, as an employee, that might need to change. She has had two jobs that she worked really hard at but always seems to have a prickly relationship. Does she take them for granted or is she oblivious to flaws she may have as an employee. What concerns me is the comments about being disrespected. It is so hard but I know this is a journey that she needs to take on her own. It is hard to watch her suffer but I need to let her do this on her own. She needs to figure this one out and make her steps to improve how she is as an employee and maybe her view of life will improve as well. It is the best thing for her and yet I will have to bite my tongue and let her make her mistakes. I just didn't expect it to be so painful for me. It kills me to not just step up and give her rent money while yelling at them for losing their best employee....but I guess she wasn't the best or she wouldn't have been fired.

Another day, another dilemna.

Just call me James......

So what is the magic that transforms a person into a slave to their kids? I get the whole carpool thing with school age kids, taking them to and from practice or lessons, but I never enjoyed it. I always got that feeling that I was being used for my car. I know that sounds so selfish but it was true. My mom never took me anywhere. If I wanted to go over to a friends house I would ride my bike. I remember being only nine and taking a bus with my friend, Nikki, to Sacramento to go to Macy's. That was 45 minutes away and in another city. I just knew that my parents worked and it was not convenient. I swore that when I became a parent I would always take them where they needed to go. I made a vow to be the mom that I always wanted but never asked for. And then I had kids.

I became a hairdresser so that I would have the flexibility to be there for my girls. My youngest had gymnastics twice a week and my oldest had a best friend that lived 20 minutes away. The only thing was that we lived within walking distance of the school. I still saw parents, that lived on our street, get in the car every morning to take them to school while I sent mine off, watched them walk to the corner, turn to me and wave as I waved back. They share stories of how my oldest would make her little sister walk on the other side of the street when she was mad at her. They would walk almost a city mile to the 7-eleven for doughnuts and slurpees. They had a good childhood and nothing bad happened. I felt like I had raised girls that were self sufficient and confident.

What turns an intelligent, creative female into a blithering idiot that comes when called? When your child calls you and you can't understand them, she is inconsolable and her voice is quivering, and you barely make out "just come get me" I grab my keys and am out the door. I forget about the fact that I am at a friends house, that I never get to see, and watching a movie with her and her son. I go and pick her up only to have her complain about how mad she is about something at work and can I just take her home. My natural parental instinct is to fix this. I would really love to just march right into her work and tell the manager off for not appreciating the amazing worker he has in her but I can't do that. Instead I am told that I really don't understand and never will. I get snapped at, pull up to her house and she gets out. No "thanks mom". No sitting in the car and talking about it. Just the sound of the door shutting and she is gone.

So my question is this.... when do you know it is time to say NO! When do you take that leap of faith and know that you cannot solve their problems but they will be fine. How do you turn that off so that you can sleep or eat or take time for yourself. To be selfish and tell her "I can't come get you honey. I am out with friends"? It is killing me that I don't know what to say to make it alright while not getting yelled at. When did I become this person and how do I change it? The funny thing is that everyone has something great to say but they are not here dealing with it. So wouldn't that be the same thing as her saying I don't understand.....

Yearning for the carefree non-child thought process......

So one of the side effects of not having kids to deal with on a daily basis is that I don't know what to do with all my time. I have all these things I would love to do but so few things I actually delve into. I wonder why that is and the only thing I can think of is that I have this thought in the back of my head that I will be interrupted.

How do you stop that? How do you inspire yourself to just start something? Anything! How do you turn the switch off that works that part of the brain where you doubt your abilities, your talents or your dreams? I am jealous of the people that can get up in the morning and get right back into something they left the night before. It is so hard to get moving on something when my brain is programmed for short spurts of time.

When my kids were small I knew I had a few hours before one would come home from preschool. These moments were used up by laundry and grocery shopping. Then there were the moments where you were finally able to do something for yourself and, thanks to cell phones, you would get a call and have to leave to pick up a kid or solve the world's problems. It is almost like the instant gratification that kids need these days but in reverse. You eventually give up and choose not to do something just in case you have a crisis and have to leave that. I wonder why that is and how to go back to carefree non-child moments. I guess I just have to start with slow spurts of creativity and hope for the best. Once I get into doing something often I can't put it down. My problem is finishing things. Whether it is an issue with not wanting it to end or fear of not being able to start something new....maybe it is the things I choose to do take longer than I originally expected. I am not sure. All I know is that I have so many projects that I start, even more that I have on a list of things to do but not enough finished. Again I feel it may be the result of knowing I have short spurts of time that allow me to have something to work on. That being said my goal for this time I have is to just work on something. Anything. If I am working on it then I feel inspired. I never thought I would have trouble getting inspired to do something but kids do that to you. Life can do that to you. We are all so busy and our schedules are so full that we don't allow ourselves the time to nurture our souls desires. If we don't do it now when will we?

Funny thing happened when I went to my reunion.....

So imagine this....23 years after I dated a cute guy my senior year of high school I meet him on Facebook and live with him now. We just returned from our 25th High School Reunion in Iowa. We had a blast and I saw some faces I was sure I would never see. There were the cheerleaders that I pegged for horrible beings then and were so sweet now. There was my very outgoing and borderline obnoxious best friend that is so quiet and passive now and then there was my Todd. I love this man and will love him until the day I die. He was my confidante and shoulder to cry on. He was my fashion guru then and continued to be so now. There is never a conversation between us that is less than two hours or where I don't end up clutching my sides in pain. He is the person that knows everyone and is loved by so many.

The side effect of dating this cute boy is that I dated his friend in high school. It is so funny how people now think that once you have dated someone you will care about who they are dating 25 years later or that they have some unknown grudge against you. Really??? I think the beauty of aging is that we learn that things just aren't so important that you need to go and stir up some shit to make your life more interesting. I am sorry....I have more drama and stress in my life from just my job I don't think that I can handle anymore. That being said this is the first visit that these boys have not seen each other at all. AT ALL! Now if you know that they always see each other when one comes home, and then you are new to the mix and they don't see each other......wouldn't you think it was you?

I felt awful that my cute boy didn't get to see his friend. I kept telling him to go and see him and have boy time. I reminded him that we live together and see each other all the time and it was fine...I don't blame him for being a bit weirded out if he was at all..... All I know is that it didn't happen. It is a terrible feeling to think that you are keeping people apart and then to have someone jump in and throw ideas around as to why this did not happen. I guess it doesn't really matter in the long run but boy did I get reminded of how high school was and why I am sooooo glad that I don't have to deal with it. It was a small taste of the past that left me thankful for my cute boy and the life I have created now. And to the boy I dated then....please....get over yourself and call your friend that misses you!

When does it stop.......

The worry, the frustration, the need for control and the expectation that they will do what you would do in the situation presented to them. It is the hardest thing, as a parent, to sit back and NOT react when they do something stupid. To not put on your cape and hone your supermom powers to fix the wrong in their life.

I have two wonderful daughters that are very different in shape, look and personality. It is almost as if I got the best of all personalities....one is moody and difficult and the other is quiet and respectful but lately it is like they flipped. One has been out of the house for around two years and the other just moved out. The one that has been gone awhile had surgery and "needed" me but now says she is choking on "family time" and that it is all too much while the other has been here for two weeks and doesn't want to go back to her own apartment.

What I don't understand is when do I get the break? When is it ok for a parent to say "NO - I am sorry but you are just going to have to figure that out on your own." It is so dang frustrating to sit and watch them be individuals that don't need you and yet stay objective to the choices they are making. I want to shake them and tell them that the world doesn't work that way...you can't just sit on your shit and expect it to go away! You can't be sweet and kind when you need something, feeding that intense maternal need that has been squelched from lack of use, and then expect that it is ok when you have had enough of me. The problem is that I am torn daily on what is the right thing to say or do with them both.

I know that my youngest will always call when she needs something but she also hangs out with us alot. The oldest just feels like I am supposed to leave her alone when she wants me to and then morphs into whatever personality she is dating at the time. This one is rude! She says she has had enough of me and that I am bugging her but she had surgery.....she was laid up and I cooked for her, made sure she had her meds, got her where she needed to go and worried about her. I did lay awake at night and worry about her more from this than when she was little, or even driving! Now that is a lot of worry..... So when they tell you that they want you to go away I get that but what about how they say it?! I don't mean to be a martyr but what parent doesn't want their kid to say "hey, I appreciate all that you have done for me but I need some time." That is all it takes.

We give up our lives, our personalities and the rest of our worry free days to these small people we brought into this world....the least they could do is acknowledge that it is not the easiest job in the world and it often sucks. We are constantly torn between what is right and what our instincts tell us to do, what we want and what they want. We flip to the future when presented with a moral dilemna to make the right decision at that moment and hope the lesson sinks in. Some kids need the lesson repeated a few times until they get it and some, unfortunately, never will but the whole idea of parenting is a leap of faith to begin with. There is no handbook or instruction manual and you try to do right by them but there are the moments that your personality, flawed as we all are, does break through and you make a mistake. You contradict yourself, you second guess your decision or you just plain change your mind. You are, as a parent, allowed all of that so when you do encounter a moment where your child is doing EXACTLY the same thing.....I guess that may be the time to stop.

Take a breath and review the situation. You just may realize you did your job and created a living, breathing adult that thinks for themselves, has opinions that you did not influence and beliefs you did not instill in them. When this person came from is still a mystery....all the other kids in the same boat I guess. What is important to remember is that down deep inside of them, no matter how hard they are trying to ignore it, is that little child that used to run to you when you walked in a room. That small piece of you that thought you hung the moon and the stars.....she is still in there somewhere and if I did my job right, she will come out every so often. That is the true test of a parent.....the waiting for those moments. They may be few and far between but so worth the wait!

Every time a baby is born it gets an annoying lullaby....

SURGERY DAY!!! It is a true test of a parent's patience when their baby is going under the knife...it kinda feels like when you send them off to school for the first time. Sure you can take my child, put needles in their arms and put them to sleep while you cut into their leg and take something out of them!

The fun part of this was to watch my otherwise drug free child become so loopy from the pre-op meds that she stated she was afraid of bears and her leg is like a steak while her head was full of rice and sand. It was a lot of fun....

The best part of this experience was that we had the surgery at the new Mercy Gilbert Hospital. This is the coolest hospital and sets the bar for any other surgical experience I ever aim to have. For starters the Emergency Room was EMPTY~ Empty as in not one patient waiting with blood on their shirt, a baby crying or a family huddled together to rally around some old person with heart attack symptoms masking the bean burrito they snuck earlier that day. I have spent my fair share of time in an ER and this was not like any other one I have seen. It was clean, neat and empty. But there is more....

They took my daughter back for pre-op and handed me one of those vibrating discs that you get when you are waiting for a table at a restaurant. This not only buzzes me but it texts me the progress straight from the operating room. What the heck???? This is the coolest thing ever. It didn't matter that they were pre programmed messages it eased my mind and made me feel more in control. I would get a buzz that said "the procedure is going well" or "the patient is waking up and doing well". Think about the other things we could use these things for....
The hairdresser "your color is not the best choice for you - lets try lighter" or the dentist "you have a cavity". How about getting one from your teacher that says "please surrender your phone!". How easily we could be controlled....wait isn't that what texting is??? Brilliant!

So there was one thing that did kindof freak me out though...more than I already was....and that was this very creepy lullaby that played on the speaker system every so often. When it first went off I looked around trying to figure out where it was coming from. It was the tune to "Rock-a-bye-baby". Mind you it was 5:30 in the morning so my initial thought was it had something to do with the time. After it happened again I looked around more and this very nice lady across from me chuckled and said "that means a baby was just born". Whaaat? So every time, no matter what time of day, this dumb tune plays over and over again. I don't know if I could handle that....I have heard of a bell going off and that meaning an angel has gotten its wings but an annoying lullaby every time a baby is born??? By the third time I was thinking on other songs that could replace this annoying lullaby...."Another One Bites the Dust" when someone dies, "Your a Heartbreaker" when someone has a heart attack or Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" when a patient stops breathing....I could go on and on but a lullaby??? Come on....I was there for 4 hours and heard this song at least 5 times....imagine on a busy day! Crazy!!!

So here I sit with my invalid daughter at home, watching episode after episode of True Blood and getting her whatever she needs. I know she is recovering from surgery but there is a part of me that is thrilled that I get to take care of her even for a few days. I guess it rekindles that love that a mother has for the simpler times when all they wanted was a fresh sippy cup of juice and their favorite cartoon. While she has replaced the sippy cup with a Starbuck's cup, and the cartoons are gory vampire dramas, she is and always will be my little Mousie~

Random Dial....curse of the butt dial!

We have all been there....that mysterious call that you get, you listen and say hello a few times and on the other end there are all sorts of weird sounds coming from this person that has called you. Do you hang up or do you wait until they realize you are on the line? Are they in trouble and you are their lifeline to safety and rescue?

I consider it a challenge to try to figure out what they are doing because inevitably you will lose contact. I listen to the sounds, if I can hear voices and try and decipher conversations. I know it is sketchy but hey, they called me! I remember one time my butt dialed my boyfriend and I knew he was the one for me when he told me that he listened to my singing along with a song on the radio. I quickly enabled my face lock on my phone to prevent that from happening again! Funny how stage fright carries on to butt dialing....who knew!

As far as my children go, I mentioned before that I still have my phone right by my bed at night, so when Heidi butt dials me 2am I bolt awake and am prepared for disaster. I proceed to yell her name a few times as the dogs look at me confusedly, and realize she is fine but at a party. She is talking about Papago Park and hiking while having fun with her friends. Then I realize the friends are boys. My baby is with multiple boys at two am. Now this is more concerning. I remember the days where she was not allowed to be in the same room alone with a boy....when did that change? How was this happening? What was I going to do about it....she could get in trouble and I would never know it. Who are they and who are their parents? Something MUST be done to prevent her from making a grave mistake!!!

This is where you realize the apron strings must be cut! She is living her life and has mostly made OK choices. She lives on her own and if that is what she wants to do she is entitled to. I trust her and remind myself that we have instilled values in her that are lurking around in her head somewhere. That is the difference from having them under your roof to living under their own.

I hang up the phone and roll over to go to sleep all the while thinking "I hope she remembered to put deodorant on, check her teeth for food and not wear that ugly shirt that is so not flattering....who is going to do that for her now that she doesn't live with me???

Little Dogs and The Unicorn People......

WOW!!!! Is it ever hot out there!!! I can't imagine being a dog with fur all over. I wonder...do hairy men feel the same way? Is that kind of like the question of "if a tree falls in the woods...." Guess I will have to ask the next really hairy guy if he feels like a dog.

I have spoken with guys that shave their whole body to avoid looking like this! Come on....we have all wondered how it must be to be this hairy.....

Speaking of hair though...I was distracted for a moment but back to dogs...My daughter and I just took my Grandpuppy Banksy over to my friends house. He is out of town and we said we would check in on his puppy, Coda, during this weekend.

My daughter Monica is having surgery on Wednesday so she is off work for two months. She works at Starbucks and she can't have "unnatural" colored hair. She shows up the first day of her necessary vacation with Unicorn Hair. What is funnier is she pulls it off and it looks really good on her. So we are at my friends house getting Coda ready for a walk and Smitty walks in. First reaction is "hey there are people in my house" and second reaction is that one of those people is a unicorn too. Smitty is a musician and has a bright blue mohawk. It was meant to be....

I am all for freedom of expression when it comes to hair. I am a retired hairdresser and was known for always doing odd things to hair. I worked in a conservative salon but had people in my chair with tattoos, piercings and multiple colors in their hair. It was so much fun to watch the other ladies reactions to some of my clients. I feel like people should be able to express themselves somehow so why not with hair?! It grows back and you can always color over it. I will however state that there are some things that people should never do with hair. It is NEVER necessary to use a whole can of hairspray on your bangs. Given that we are in a very dry climate it is just asking for trouble being that combustible. Also one should always remember that people do look at the back of your hair. When spending so much time on curling the front, and making it look perfect, one must never neglect the back. It is the same with panty lines, lazy-boy chair part on the old ladies at the grocery and the woman who looks like she works on any corner....we have all thought of it.....doesn't anyone love them?

That being said....This guy takes the cake....Saw him out at my favorite music venue, The Sail Inn in Tempe, AZ, and he was wandering around having a great time. I was not only stunned by his bright red mullet that would make Joe Dirt jealous but the shirt was right off the pages of those internet "down south" pictures that randomly get sent to you via email...come on you all know what I am talking about....