She had been working at a job, that her dad got her, since she was 14. She started out as a hostess and worked her butt off until she was cooking. It was a Thai restaurant and she was so engrained in the culture that she took directions in Thai. She even taught their cooking classes but it was like working for a family business....she took a lot of crap and was not treated with the respect any of us felt she should have. Fast forward to this other job that she got on her own as a supplement to her income and she worked both for awhile. She realized that she could enjoy her job and make some money so she quit the Thai restaurant. Then it all went south.
One of her big complaints was that they didn't respect her. Of course they didn't....she was used to being walked all over so she would do things for them and not have the guts to talk back. She would punch out and THEN do their bookwork for them. Can you say ILLEGAL??? I would try to tell her that she can't do that. I would say she needs to ask for more money at the Thai place and her excuse would be that they didn't make a lot but when she quit the owner said " I guess I should have given you a raise in the four years you worked her huh???". So here she is now with a job that her Dad has gotten her and I worry that the message will not get through.
The saving grace on this job is that she grew up in this bar....well not really but it is a restaurant/brewery and we spent a lot of time there. We were friends with the owners when they first opened up and have watched them grow and expand. It is a terrific opportunity for her and I would not be surprised if she ends up running the place but I still worry. At least she will have to be accountable this time. If she messes up it will get back to her Dad. She will have to keep in check with everything she does and that can only be good. I worry though that she won't have the ability to sell herself when, and if, she ever needed to. I can only hope that she will flourish here and her confidence will grow but at what cost. This would be that moment when you, as a parent that fights to believe that tough love can be necessary, step aside and wait for the other shoe to drop. I hate that feeling though and fight it. It is so self defeating to believe that your child can't do it without your help. We raised them to be confident and yet we step in and save the day. Is it for their benefit or ours? That is the hot question!
They say with addicts they have to want to make the change. They have to be the one to take that leap of faith and also hit rock bottom. A parent's worst fear is that bottom....will you know it when your child has hit it? How much can they take and how far can you push them until they snap? With all the suicides these days, the bullying, the not living up to your expectations, the denial of who they really are being juxtaposed to the person you try to turn them into. How do we find the balance to help them while nudging them out of the nest? It seems to be an ever evolving issue and daily can be a surprise. To her it is just a job and she is relieved and happy. To me it is a life vest thrown to her by her dad that could, at any moment, be retracted if she didn't position herself correctly. I am not so sure that it is the right thing and it makes me feel like I have no faith in my child. I guess I just need to sit back and watch the drama unfold. It may prove me wrong and I would be thrilled!
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