What is your biggest stressor?

Awhile ago I had to write a paper in Psychology about my biggest stressor in life. After many hours contemplating about this very subject I came to the conclusion that I really didn't have any great stressors. I decided that, while I do react in a high pitched kind of crazy woman tone, I don't feel that any of the things that happen in my daily life would be so bad to warrant the title of "stressor". I talked about my mother and my codependent relationship with her, my children and their behavior due to a mixed belief parental influence and then there is my sister and the fact that we haven't spoken since my mom was diagnosed with Cancer. These things are all events that have happened and there is a ripple effect that each of them have caused. I see a stressor as something that you cannot change. A stressor falls into the category of your job or your personal relationships.  They are like bellybuttons, everyone has one!  So when I am asked to select the biggest one, well that is a difficult thing to do because, on any given day, one could be more stressful than another.

We have these moments in our day where the unexpected happens, whether it be a phone call you have been dreading, your boss decides to increase your workload or your child decides to confide in you something you didn't want to know about.  All of these may seem mundane and trivial on another day but, for reasons you can't explain really, today they push that button and you are immediately stressed out!  How we deal with this stress is a different story and one that repeats itself over and over again.  When this happens to me I try to isolate the reason this particular event is stressful.  I pick it apart until I have it in pieces in my mind and then I can analyze it, inspect it and approach it from different angles.  I don't run away from it like some people do but, instead, choose to approach it with wonder.  I feel that this approach works for me with the best outcome and therefore I can't really identify them as significant stressors in my life.

That being said, I was finding it really hard to complete this assignment.  I gradually was feeling more and more anxiety over completing the project and decided to ask other people about it.  I did what millions of people do these days - I posted it on Facebook.  I mentioned stressors, how I was finding it hard to identify and then I made a joke about it.  I commented on how this would end badly because my family would either not speak to me again and made sure that I stayed within the "lighthearted" attitude so as not to incur the wrath of my sibling.  This did not work in my favor and what followed was World War III.  I was questioned about my intentions, made to feel like I was inconsiderate and selfish and spent hours defending myself.  All of this was truly a learning experience and, as a result, I now know that there is a very fine line between what you think is funny enough to post on Fbook and what you are willing to deal with as a consequence of that post.

All of this was not in vain though because I did finish my paper and I received an "A" on it.  In the end my paper was written about the paper!  I had come to the conclusion that my biggest stressor turned out to be the act of deciding what my stressor actually was.  I had found that I was fairly stress free but when asked to review my stress, I came up short and therefore became stressed about doing well on the paper.  This escalated into a panic over what I would write about and, in the end, I determined that the assignment itself had morphed into my "Biggest Stressor".

What Now?

When you have young kids you yearn for a moment where all you can hear is the sound of your own breathing.  Your heart beating and, if you close your eyes, you can imagine yourself sitting on a beach with the wind blowing on your face while the waves crash in the distance.  You feel yourself going to that place and then your peaceful moment is pierced with a "MOM tell her to give me back my toy!".  You are quickly brought back into your space that if filled with children and Spongebob theme songs.  Life suddenly becomes about dinner and homework while the ever present longing exists just under the surface of your skin.

Don't misunderstand me....  I love being a mom.  I love everything about it and do not regret a single decision that was made when cancelling plans due to colds and fevers.  Those moments are stitched in to the crazy quilt that is my family and I cherish each thread that pieced it together.  What baffles me, more and more as my children grow, is that I have somehow lost that person that I started to develop before I became the end all-be all to two amazing daughters.  I find that I am left with fragments of a person I once knew and, like an intricate puzzle, requires attention in a time when technology is available with instant gratification.  The problem that I face is that this new technology is unfamiliar to me.  It leaves me inpatient and frustrated because it should be easy to find interests post children.  It shouldn't be this hard to socialize or get out of the house, to go somewhere that nurtures your desire to interact with like minded people and have some fun.

Your children are what binds you to other adults.  They give you an instant subject to discuss and break that wall down that adults these days now have.  The awkward ice breakers are not necessary once you find that you are interacting with someone that understands.  Someone that has kids.  In a world where your voice is computerized through a post or a text, where do we find those moments where you can have an actual conversation face to face?  Do you plan a dinner party by physically inviting people over or do you post an event and hope that people don't say "Maybe" they will attend because, let's face it, maybe means they don't want to decline but are not committed enough to say they are attending.  I don't know how to create an environment that nourishes the gypsy soul inside me.  The one that loves to sit and have an intimate conversation that includes updates on their lives, what they did the weekend prior or where they want to go for vacation.  Drinking a bottle of good wine while sharing these small moments in your friends' lives over a good meal is something to strive for.
That being said, I resolve myself to nurture the inner gypsy in me, to learn how to let my guard down and not takes things so seriously, to remember that I have created two amazing people that are lovely to be around and make up the best parts of my life.  I am a mom and I am proud of that.  Maybe being a mom is similar to being a gypsy.  We adapt, we learn how to make the most of the little things and have an abundance of love to share.  Isn't that what life is about?!  I heard somewhere that sometimes the brightest lights come from the darkest places.
 I aim to fill my life with twinkling lights and remind myself that darkness is not something to be afraid of, that it only serves as a blank canvas to bring more color into your life!