Its Official....everything around me is old!!!

Including me!!!

This was for my last birthday in the thirties....I looked and felt young however I had just shed 200 pounds (ex-husband) so I was celebrating in Vegas. This birthday, four years later, marks even a more momentous year for me. There is no picture that was taken as the change has come from within.

For my forty third birthday I spent the day by the pool. My oldest daughter took me out to breakfast and my boyfriend made a scrumptious dinner of tenderloin and grilled sweet corn. The night before, my mother took us out to dinner and we slipped into food comas when we got home.
This served as a reminder that I am old now. The Friday before my birthday I am passed out on the couch before 9 - ON A FRIDAY! The night of my birthday, Boy goes to bed early because he has to get up for work at the crack of dawn. I became bored so I went to bed at 930...Sunday came and I decided I wanted to start with a fresh start. I CLEANED all day.

This is not your average clean....this was moving furniture clean and getting the baking soda and scrub brush out for the grout on the tile. First OLD thing....due to second OLD thing. Dog.

This is Sampson. He is 12 and has decided that he needs to make sure I remember how he smelled by pissing on everything before he dies. It is so annoying as he never really did it before. To top it off then there is Kenya...

She is 16 and will never die! She just makes sure that her horrid breath lingers after she leaves....she has always been the best dog but now even she doesn't want to be bothered by the dog door. So I feel like all I am doing is cleaning up old dog pee. I love them. I really do but when do you call it quits??? They are both super healthy but gosh....there is no real medical reason either...it is just because they are old. Well I hope that when I start wandering around the house and peeing that someone has the decency to take me out to the desert.

So my goal for 43 is to get fit, purge more boxes (3 yesterday & a full box of old office wear I will never wear again) and travel to one 3 day festival somewhere in the states. The getting fit I have a jump on thanks to the pool....speaking of.... I am off to do laps.

Totally saved a bird today!!!!

So baby birds are all over the place trying to learn how to fly.....
One falls into our backyard and the dog immediately starts to go for it.....
Baby bird bounces and flops right into the mop bucket of old Fabuloso water....
Boyfriend runs over and saves baby bird, brings him inside and washes him off, puts him in a towel and I place baby by my heart in the towel.
Baby closes eyes and calms breathing then I take baby out to lawn to let him go.....
Whole family comes and coaxes baby further and right before our eyes he is flying and in the tree.
It is a good day!!!!

You are the best mom.......

Compared to all my friends' moms....

This came out of my oldest daughter's mouth tonight.  It is funny how one never really appreciates something until they are forced to live without it.  So NOW I am the best mom because when she calls for some random reason she will ask what we are doing for dinner.  My reply will always be "Have you eaten?".  This is now our routine and I am ok with it for many reasons......of which I will share with you now~!

As I stated yesterday....you do not wake the angry sleep monster.  You must tiptoe around and panic if you make too much noise or she will wake and look at you with daggers in her eyes.

I don't know about you but that is a look I would not want to come across in an alley! So any little bit of acknowledgement I get from her is a sigh of relief that I will live to see another day!

Well now I have the other one back in Arizona after living, well barely making it, in North Hollywood.  Monica has always been my confidant.  She is always the one I turn to when I need help with the evil sister and together we have learned how to tame the beast.  When she left I was heartbroken and missed her terribly.

Mother's Day she flew out here to take me to a concert....you can see there is a mood difference alone but they are both amazing girls in their own ways....so she tells me that she is moving home.  On one hand I am thrilled but I also worried about her.....where would she go?  Why now and what about the boy she loved?

Tonight she comes over and sits with us for awhile just talking.  We never talked before she moved away.  She tells me that all her friends have moms that are annoying and bossy.  She tells me that after she talks about her parents they all want to meet us.  I guess we did something right in 17 years.....  

Well we still have a few things that need working on but the point is that maybe this is all the "MASTER PLAN"......

It is baby season where I live and there are these annoying little birds in all the trees chirping like an injured dog while the parents flit about above.  The other day I came out and there was a baby right outside the gate.....he was running around and flapping his wings.  When I approached he ran around the corner and was clawing up the wall to get back in the nest.  He scurried around for awhile and I instantly felt like I wanted to save him.  What I realized was that this is all part of nature.  We have to kick them out of the nest and hope they learn to fly. If we do it right, encourage them and listen when all we want to do is scream, unlike nature they return and have a newfound respect for our efforts.....

I know it's not my birthday.....

I know, I know....it isn't my birthday yet but this morning is just a perfect example of why this is going to be such an interesting year.  Brief synopsis of my situation to start out and NO it is not a sob story!

I am going to be 43 on June 25th.  I had been married for 17 years to a great guy that made a great dad.  (Happy Father's day by the way....I should text him but that is a whole other issue to write about...)  We split in 2007 and dealt with trying to raise two daughters through their high school years.  It was not the best time in my life but I somehow muddled through it.  Now, after some major bumpy roads, I think we have all finally leveled out and working on moving on with our lives.  What I didn't count on was to be so confused about who I was.  After the craziness of divorce, having to split up possessions and sort through 17 years of memories so that we each were left with some, you would think I would have some idea of why I chose this path.  I didn't and can say I still don't.

 I now have a new love in my life and he is wonderful but he can't understand why I have that nagging feeling like I am supposed to be doing something.  Does that feeling ever go away?  I sure hope so.....I remember the nights I would be so tired but I would not be able to fall asleep until both my girls were safe at home.  Well my youngest daughter, Heidi, has moved out recently and my older daughter, Monica, has been out of the house for two years.  When Monica moved out I had Heidi at home still but she was a free spirit and very social.  She always called me to tell me where she was going and when she would get home until she turned 18.  I admit that I still keep my phone by the bed but I am able to push all the bad thoughts from my head and sleep soundly now.

That being said I woke up this morning and think I must have really slept hard.  As I stumbled to the coffee pot I noticed Heidi's old door ajar.  As I peek in to the room, there is Heidi fast asleep on the futon with the fan blowing straight on her. I didn't hear her come in at all! She has a bed in her own room....in her own apartment!  Why is she here?  I don't wake her because anyone that knows my Heidi, knows that you should not wake the sleeping monster!  She is definitely not a morning person so I will be patient and wait to hear the next amazing adventure in the life of Heidi.  My guess is that she was working and didn't want to go home to some party.  I think when our kids move out, though they are telling you how confident they are and how excited they seem, once the magic wears off they miss the comforts of home.  I mean who wouldn't ever want to leave if mom takes care of you.  I think of the men that still live with their Moms at 50 and feel saddened for them.  While I know it is not my place to judge I do feel very strongly about the way we raise future adults.  Maybe that is what is wrong with this world and the instant gratification society... we are all just our parent's children and it can get blamed on them, like everything else we do wrong.....blame our parents!

 She did tell me the other day that she is realizing that a whole new roll of toilet paper just doesn't magically appear unless you go out and buy it.  At least it is a step in the right direction..... we shall see what drama entails once the sleepy monster has risen..... stay tuned!!!